Mom (Elizabeth Grace Wulf, nicknamed Betty) and her younger sister, Barbara, were raised in Connecticut. My grandmother and grandfather (her parents) had English and other northern European backgrounds. Mom was very close to her father (her mother was a bit self-centered, but generally kind), but he died suddenly when Betty (age 18) was away at school. His cause of death was described as a chicken bone getting caught in his throat. He left a good amount of money to my grandmother. Throughout life, mom continued to grieve her dad’s sudden death.
Mom said she was very social. She attended Pine Manor Junior College, and described wearing fancy clothes, including fine gloves, when she left the campus and walked into town. Mom was close to several distant family members who lived in Connecticut.
Following college enjoyed traveling throughout New England. She worked full time at Yale University, where she took care of equipment for physician researchers. She was intrigued by medical researchers, but, unlike her friends, had not yet found a man who would be a good husband. She also had the thought that Scandinavians were good people, since her mother hired a house-worker with Swedish background, and whom mom admired. Mom put two and two together, and wanted to meet a Scandinavian doctor. She wrote to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, and asked if they had a job opening for someone who could work in a laboratory. They wrote back and said that they had a job for her.
So, mom took a train from Connecticut to Rochester, Minnesota. During her first week at the Mayo Clinic, she attended a lecture given by William Weborg Engstrom, MD. The subject was 17-keto-steroids***. Mom understood nothing, but when the lecture ended she approached the physician, praised his speech, and asked if he next planned to lecture about the 18-keto-steroids (as follow-up to the 17-keto-steroids). Of course, dad could tell that she was ignorant of the subject (18-keto-steroids do not exist), but that didn’t matter. They immediately started dating, and they married a year or two later. They came from very different backgrounds; dad was from a very poor family from Minnesota, and mom was from a wealthy family in Connecticut. But they did very well together.
In 1950 they moved from Connecticut to Elm Grove, Wisconsin, with their three children, aged 1, 2, and 4. Dad worked hard and full time, and mom was very devoted and well-skilled at raising the three kids. When they first moved to Elm Grove, during the first year or two the telephones allowed her to listen to neighbors.
Dad gave her a summer gift: a used automobile. He bought it from our neighbors, the Perry’s, and even though it was very weak (she could barely make it up our mildly hilly road), she was ecstatic.
Mom was kind, but a bit strict at times. One time I used an unapproved word. It may have been “damn”, or something milder. She washed out my mouth with soap.
She was very social, and had great friendships. Furthermore, she always helped the school by bringing brownies for celebrations, supplies for students, and car trips for many reasons. She frequently gave me a paper bag lunch, although I preferred to go home for lunch. She sometimes made fancy dinners both for people whom dad was recruiting, or for our annual meeting with a few teachers.
When dad died of alcohol-related causes, mom was about 55 years old. In a few years she married Bob Haughey. Mom got a bit irritated with him, since, among other things, he frequently had medical problems which interfered with their vacations and with intimacy. They planned to visit Hawaii, and, prior to the trip, Bob’s doctor approved the vacation. Two of her close friends also joined the visit. However, shortly after the four of them arrived in Hawaii, Bob was short of breath and coughed non-stop. They visited a doctor, who made a change in his medicine, and told him to return in the morning if he did not feel better. They returned to the hotel, and he continued to cough for hours. Mom finally left him in the bedroom, and slept on the living room couch. The coughing stopped, and mom knew what that meant. She decided to sleep through the night, and sure enough, in the morning she found him dead.
Mom was determined not to allow him to ruin her vacation. She had his body cremated (not approved by his children), and continued the vacation. The awful vacation continued, since her best friend, Jean Otjen, accidently ingested ocean salt water and she passed away in a Honolulu hospital. Her male friend, Herb Schwann, got sick in Hawaii and died of cancer at home shortly thereafter. But mom was determined not to let anything interrupt her vacation. When her trip ended, she brought Bob’s ashes home with her on the airplane.
Despite the awful trip to Hawaii, mom later had a wonderful relationship with Fred Winding, for fifteen years. Near the end of his life he moved into Congregational Home, which was where mom was placed after she had a hip replacement. She eagerly agreed to move, since she would be closer to Fred. I believe that it was her best relationship.
She was kind to me, even if she was judgmental at times. Mom never wanted to interfere with me or with my sisters.
Even when she needed to live in a nursing home, she was considerate. She did not want to demand that Ann, Sara, or I, be overly required to work for her. Whenever she had gifts or plants in her nursing room, she usually said, “Look what Fritz sent me!!” Of course, Ann and Sara were more generous than I, and they sometimes softly replied, “Mom, I gave you that gift, not Fritz.”
*** When writing this paper, I researched 17-keto-steroids on-line. It took less than a minute to find an article which referenced a paper written on the subject by my father, and published in 1946.